how to explain mental load to husband

How to Explain the Mental Load to Husband: Tips to Communicate Your Needs

Learn how to explain the mental load to husband with some tips and resources to help you communicate your needs to your husband so he can help you.

Your needs matter…

The mental load of motherhood is completely exhausting…

You just want your husband to see what needs to be done and start doing it, like you do every single day!

You don't want to have to be his mother and hold his hand while you tell him what to do…

It is even more work for you to have to explain and tell him exactly what to do…

It is never ending… ugh!

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What is the Mental Load of Motherhood?

The mental load of motherhood can be immense, especially for those who are raising children alone. It can include everything from planning meals, remembering birthdays, organizing activities, ensuring the children are taken care of, and worrying about their safety and well-being. It can also include managing the household, making sure everyone is on the same page with their responsibilities, and dealing with any challenges that come up. It's important to remember that this mental load can be exhausting, and it's important to take care of yourself and find time to rest and relax. You can learn more tips to help with the mental load of motherhood here.

How to Explain the Mental Load to Husband

Being a mother can be a lot of work and a lot of mental strain. It's not just about taking care of the children, but all the other stuff that comes with being a parent. You may feel overwhelmed with not only the physical aspects of parenting, but also all the emotional, mental and psychological aspects.

You may find yourself worrying about the future, or having to make decisions on behalf of your family. You may have to manage the household budget, or care for aging parents.

The mental load can also include having to juggle work and family commitments and having to figure out creative solutions to everyday problems.

It's important for your husband to understand that your mental load is a real thing, and it can be very draining. It's important to talk about the different responsibilities that you both have, and to find ways to make things easier for you both.

How to share and explain the mental load of motherhood with your husband?

Share all the things you do out loud and make it visible

One book that really helped me to visually see all the mental load tasks that it takes to take care of kids and a house was the book Fair Play. You can even use these Fair Play Cards to help you and your husband visually see all of the tasks laid out in front of you. Then you can start to show ownership of the tasks and hopefully take some of the mental load away from you super mom.

Your husband won't understand all of the mental load tasks that you take one unless you can communicate them with him and he must be willing and open to listening to you.

Get the FREE Scripts to Help you Communicate about the Mental Load of Motherhood

CLICK HERE Or click the image below to get free scrips to help you share the mental load of motherhood with your partner and scripts to help you apologize and repair after yelling to your partner or children.

scripts for communicating mental load of motherhood to husband and partner

Asking Your Husband for Help

Asking your husband for help can feel overwhelming at times, because you just want him to help without you asking. You want him to start to see what needs to be done and just do it like you do. Why does he need all of this handholding and why can't he see what needs to be done around the house?

You hate feeling like his mother and feeling like you need to explain everything to him…

But if you don't start to have open and honest communication with him it will just end up being a never ending cycle where you get frustrated and overwhelmed and you just want him to know what to do without you telling him.

I get it… It is incredible frustrating…

I hope when you do have an open and honest conversation with him, he is willing to be open to listening to you and shows you empathy and support.

Give him specific ways he can help you

When you talk to him give him very specific ways he can help you and share why it means a lot to you that he helps with this task. When you can share your why with him I am hoping that he will start to want to take ownership of the task for you because he loves you.

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Overstimulated Mom Survival Guide Freebie

Mental Loads of Motherhood Checklist

If you are needing help coming up with some of the mental load tasks that you take on as a mom I have created a mental load checklist with 50 tasks that you take on as a mom.

You can use this as a starting guide to communicating with your husband and showing him some of the tasks you are doing. You can talk to him about how you want him to help with some of these tasks.

Here's a helpful list of 50 mental loads of motherhood that you can use as a checklist:

  1. Worrying about your child's health and safety
  2. Making sure your child maintains healthy eating habits
  3. Ensuring your child gets enough sleep
  4. Making sure your child gets enough physical activity
  5. Making sure your child is properly socialized
  6. Scheduling appointments for your child
  7. Keeping track of your child's developmental milestones
  8. Making sure your child is up-to-date with their vaccinations
  9. Keeping track of your child's medical records
  10. Making sure your child is properly dressed for the weather
  11. Keeping track of your child's schoolwork and performance
  12. Making sure your child is properly groomed
  13. Planning and preparing meals for your family
  14. Making sure your family has enough groceries
  15. Keeping your home clean and organized
  16. Making sure your home is safe and secure
  17. Teaching your child appropriate behavior
  18. Teaching your child to be responsible
  19. Teaching your child to be respectful
  20. Teaching your child social skills
  21. Keeping track of your child's extracurricular activities
  22. Making sure your child has enough time to relax and play
  23. Making sure your child has enough time for creative activities
  24. Finding time for yourself to relax and recharge
  25. Making sure your child has enough time to spend with friends
  26. Keeping track of your child's toys, books, and other belongings
  27. Making sure your child has clothing that fits and is in season for the weather
  28. Figuring out what to do with clothing your child has outgrown
  29. Keeping track of important dates such as birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries
  30. Making sure your family is prepared for emergencies
  31. Making sure your family has enough insurance coverage
  32. Making sure your family is financially secure
  33. Keeping track of your child's medications
  34. Making sure your child is receiving the best possible medical care
  35. Making sure your child is receiving the best possible educational opportunities
  36. Making sure your child has adequate child care
  37. Making sure your child is being cared for when you're away
  38. Keeping your child entertained
  39. Making sure your child has enough time outdoors
  40. Teaching your child how to be independent
  41. Making sure your child is learning life skills
  42. Doing the laundry and making sure you have laundry supplies
  43. Doing the dishes and making sure you have clean dishes for meals
  44. Feeding the pets and making sure there is enough pet food and treats
  45. Keeping up with pet vet visits and medications
  46. Figuring out ways to organize the toys
  47. Trying to figure out how to declutter and keep the house clean
  48. Making sure the kids have snow pants, coat, hat, gloves, and boots that fit during the winter
  49. Cleaning the shower/bathtub and making sure we have enough shampoo, conditioner, and body wash
  50. Creating special moments and gifts for birthdays and Christmas
Overstimulated mom toolkit 2

How to communicate effectively with your husband 

Effective communication with a spouse is key to a strong and healthy relationship. Here are a few tips to help you communicate effectively and positively with your husband: 

  1. Be honest and open about your feelings and intentions. Speak clearly and concisely, and avoid talking in circles. 
  2. Listen to your husband attentively and try to understand his perspective. Ask questions to show you’re interested and try to avoid making assumptions.
  3. Use “I” statements when expressing yourself. This will help you stay focused on your feelings and needs without pointing the finger at your partner.
  4. Respect your husband’s opinion and feelings, even if you don’t agree.
  5. Try to discuss issues calmly and without judgement. This will help you both remain focused on the issue at hand, rather than getting sidetracked with blame or criticism.
  6. Remain patient and understanding. You and your husband will likely have different communication styles and expectations, so take the time to understand each other's needs.
  7. Compromise when possible. No relationship is perfect, so it’s important to be flexible and willing to work together to find a solution.

By following these tips, you can improve your communication with your spouse and help strengthen your relationship.

Get the FREE Scripts to Help you Communicate about the Mental Load of Motherhood

CLICK HERE Or click the image below to get free scrips to help you share the mental load of motherhood with your partner and scripts to help you apologize and repair after yelling to your partner or children.

scripts for communicating mental load of motherhood to husband and partner

How to share household tasks with your husband?

Sharing household tasks with your husband can be a great way to make your home feel more peaceful and organized. To start, have a conversation with your husband to discuss the tasks that each of you are comfortable taking on.

Consider breaking up larger chores into smaller tasks that can be completed independently, then assign each of you to specific tasks. You can also create a schedule for completing all the tasks, so that each of you knows when something needs to be done.

Additionally, try to be flexible with each other and make sure to communicate any changes or needs. Finally, make sure to show appreciation for one another's contributions – this can really help create a sense of teamwork and satisfaction in the home.

How to get your husband to help with the kids more 

It can be difficult to get your husband to help out more with the kids, but there are some strategies that can help.

First, try having a frank discussion with your husband about the challenges you're facing in managing all the responsibilities of raising a family. Explain that you need more help and that it would be beneficial to both of you if he could take on more of the parenting duties.

Show him that you value his input and that you need his support. Additionally, try breaking down the tasks into smaller, manageable chunks, and assigning specific tasks to him that he can work on. Show him that you trust him by giving him the opportunity to take on more responsibility, and offer up praise and appreciation for any help he does provide.

Finally, try to make it fun for him. Invite him to join in on activities with the kids that he can enjoy, like playing a game or going for a walk. By doing this, it will help to foster an even stronger bond between him and the kids.

How to Share the Mental Load with your Husband: Key Take Aways

Taking the time to share the mental load of motherhood with your husband can hopefully start to help you get a break and help you feel less overwhelmed as a mom.

  • Have an open and honest conversation with him
  • Share the mental load tasks with him out loud and visually show him all that you do
  • Give him specific tasks you want him to do and share why it means a lot to you
  • Share the mental loads checklist with him as a starting guide to help you communicate your needs with him.

Asking for help from your husband can feel like another daunting task that you must take on as a mom, but the more you can be open and honest with him and not just fighting with him, hopefully the better you can work as a team together as a family.

I hope these tips are helpful for you on your motherhood journey. You are a great mom and deserve to get the help that you need.

Get the Free Overstimulated Mom Survival Guide Here

In 5 minutes you will create an action plan to identify your sensory triggers and how to manage your emotions to help you become the calm and regulated mom you want to be. Just enter your email address below.

Overstimulated Mom Survival Guide Freebie
ultimate overstimulated mom toolkit

Additional Motherhood Resources for You

The Mental Load of Motherhood is Exhausting and Overwhelming: 10 Strategies to Help

The Invisible Load of Motherhood is Exhausting, What you Can do to Help

How to Explain Mental Load to Husband

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